Lao Tzu Takes on The Common App
The Dao De Jing fills out the Common Application: no address, a 400 on the SAT, an essay that refuses the prompt on principle, and a counselor recommendation that is a drawing of a circle. Rejected. The gag cuts both ways, at the paradoxes and at a form that cannot read one.
PERSONAL INFORMATION
Full Legal Name: The name that can be named is not the eternal Name
Permanent Address: Everywhere and anywhere
Email Address: None
EDUCATION & TEST SCORES
High School GPA: --
Applicant Note: He devotes all his energy but has no intention to hold on to the merit. When success is achieved, he seeks no recognition. I have removed myself from the curriculum.
SAT/ACT Scores: 400
Applicant Note: The world is a divine vessel, It cannot be acted upon as one wish. I cannot calculate the velocity of a train leaving Chicago or find what the author of Text 1 would say about Text 2 because I cannot act upon the world by my own wish.
PERSONAL ESSAY
Prompt: Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
I once faced a great mountain. To an ambitious man this is a “challenge” to be conquered. To me, it was simply the earth rising to touch the sky. I did not “succeed” in climbing it. I refused to move and lay on the floor.
The softest of all things can overcome the hardest of all things
Still,
A journey of thousand miles begins from the first step.
Yet I did not take that “step” to “succeed” in the eyes of men. In doing so, I learned that
He who raises himself on tiptoe cannot stand firm. He who walks with strides cannot travel far.
Moreover, I abandoned my ambitions for your Honors Program because
In pursuing knowledge…one’s knowledge is accumulated day after day. In pursuing Tao, one is enlightened with the true nature and thus diminishes daily one’s worldly desires and knowledge.
I have dropped my desire for this “success.” You may find this a “failure” to answer your prompt correctly, but
Words of truth are not pleasing. Pleasing words are not truthful.
ADMISSIONS OFFICE INTERNAL EVALUATION
Decision: REJECTED
Note: Applicant’s essay consists entirely of cryptic ancient poetry. When asked for a resume, he sent a blank piece of paper with only these words in the bottom corner: the usefulness of the cup is its emptiness. We also cannot offer financial aid to an empty application. Also, his counselor recommendation was just a drawing of a circle. We suspect this is a prank from the Pre-Law kids.