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The Original Situationship: Catullus 85
Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris. / nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior. I hate and I love. And why, perhaps you’ll ask. I don’t know: but I feel, and I’m tormented. Translation by A. S. Kline Let’s play a game. Choose wisely. What is this? 1am drunk text 1am drunk text Catullus 85 1am drunk text If you guessed C: spot on! If not, you were very close—it happens to the best of us. Catullus 85 belongs to a body of work written by Gaius Valerius Catullus, a poet
jenna liang
Jun 304 min read
Medusa Discovers Hinge
MEDUSA: 26, Libya, Looking for something real "Passionate. Spontaneous. Great with animals (snakes specifically). Ready to turn over a new leaf. Not literally. Figuratively. Do not read into that." About Medusa Hi! I'm Medusa. Yes, that Medusa. Let's just get that out of the way immediately so we can move past it and focus on what actually matters, which is that I am a very fun person with a lot to offer and a really great sense of humor about everything that has happened to
jenna liang
Jun 204 min read
I Would Do It All Again: Friedrich Nietzsche, In His Own Words, Mostly
***This piece is a satirical work. Some events are drawn from Nietzsche's real biography; others have been invented, exaggerated, or lightly seasoned with nonsense for comedic effect. (Nietzsche himself would probably consider this an improvement.) Amor fati. Birth, Röcken, Prussia, 1844 (★★★★★) Arrived screaming into a cold world with no say in the matter, no knowledge of what was coming, and no exit option. Five stars. This was the necessary precondition for everything else
jenna liang
Jun 136 min read
Odysseus Left a Google Maps Review
★☆☆☆☆ One star. I would leave zero but the app does not allow it and I have spent the last ten years doing things that were not allowed so I am trying to respect boundaries now. Let me be specific. The Route Google Maps estimated this journey at three weeks. I want to be clear about what actually happened, which is that it took ten years. A decade. I left a young man with a wife, a son, a dog, and reasonable expectations about the future. I arrived an old man in disguise at
jenna liang
Jun 64 min read
Cozy Labyrinth in the Heart of Crete, Hosted by Asterion
★★☆☆☆ 2.3/5 47 reviews “Unique stay. Not for everyone.” About this place Welcome to the Labyrinth—a one of a kind underground abode offering an authentic Minoan experience unlike anything else in the world (perfect for you girls that want a Greek summer without visiting the generic places like Mykonos… this place is NICHE! Perfect for the gram). The space features hundreds of interlocking stone corridors, vaulted ceilings throughout, and a moody, torchlit ambiance that guests
jenna liang
May 304 min read
Persephone’s Spotify Wrapped
SLIDE 1: WELCOME BACK Your 2025 wrapped is here, Persephone. Your year had two very different vibes. Spotify noticed. We need to talk about it. SLIDE 2: YOUR LISTENING TIME You streamed 96,480 minutes of music this year. You are in the top 0.01% of all Spotify listeners globally. That’s impressive! We want to be clear, however, that 48,240 of those minutes were logged from a location our servers cannot identify. The GPS coordinates return only the word “below.” We are workin
jenna liang
May 234 min read
My Heel Hurts: What's Wrong With Me? (A Self-Diagnosis Journey)
WebMDSymptom Checker • Health A-Z • Drugs and Supplements • Living Healthy By Achilles, Son of Peleus | Medically Reviewed by: Chiron, M.D., C.T. (Centaur Trained) ★★★★☆ 4.2 / 5 • 1,847 hero reviews IN THIS ARTICLE: Overview My symptoms What I searched (a spiral) Could it be cancer? When to see a doctor Related: What is a prophecy and should I be worried? OVERVIEW It started as a minor ache after Paris playfully shot me in the Trojan War. I assumed it was normal wear-and-te
jenna liang
May 163 min read
It’s A Hard “Rock” Life —Sisyphus
Executive Summary Employee #Z999 (a.k.a “Big Sissy,” a.k.a Sisyphus) continues to demonstrate 100% uptime, though his overall output still remains stagnant—geographically. While he is consistent, his workflow lacks “vertical development.” This month’s audit focused on transitioning his manual labor into a new framework (Boulder-as-a-Service model) to better monetize and/or optimize his eternal struggle. Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) Metric Performance Notes Total Ascents
jenna liang
May 92 min read
Katy, Sweetie, Where is the Sin? A Review by Dionysus
★★☆☆☆ Look, Katy, I love the “California Girls” aesthetic. I really do. The Candyland references? Inspiring. And the electric blue hair? Giving Maenad. But we need to talk about these De Soi cans. I popped and pried open a Purple Lune expecting a dark, turbulent journey into the abyss of my soul. Instead, I got your “mood-boosting” botanical blend. Katy, darling, I am the mood. I don’t need an alcohol-free blackberry-balsamic infusion powered completely by adaptogens to help
jenna liang
May 22 min read
Subject: On the Fragility of Our Modern Legion
Recipient: HQ@yahoo.com Dear esteemed Headquarters (HQ), I write to you not from the Danube frontiers, but from the peeling breakroom of the North Wing. I write to you because there are horrors not on the battlefields, but in the “General” Slack channel; the populace weep because the supply of glyphosate-free Chobani unsweetened oat milk with no additives has been depleted. In the past fortnight, I have observed the conduct of our “team,” and I find their discipline—or lac
jenna liang
Apr 253 min read
The Agora on Elon Musk’s X: Ultimate Rage-Bait Battles
THREAD @Sigma_Stephan @Socrates.aka.GnatofAthens @Sigma_Stephan: If you aren’t making $10k/month by 22, you’ve failed as a man. Wealth is the only measure of success. You have to be #On.The.Grind 24/7. Don’t try me. I know I'm right. #GrindSet #Alpha #Growth @Socrates.aka.GnatofAthens: Dear friend, this is my “try” to you, Stephan. So enlighten me, O Great Grinder, for I seek simple things: is “wealth” good in itself, or is it only good because of what it can achieve? @
jenna liang
Apr 182 min read
PANDORA’S UNBOXING: I Opened the PR Box I Was Warned About and OMG... #ErisCollab
“Hey guys! Welcome back to my lyre-stream! So today we are opening this gorgeousiosus box that was left on my doorstep by a very mysterious, handsome guy (shout out to Hermes Express lol!).” “As you guys can see here there’s a little note that says “DO NOT OPEN,” but you guys obvi know I literally cannot resist a little mystery… and tbh, the packaging is giving “ethereal,” so let’s see what’s inside!! Oh my gosh is that a glitter bomb finish… sorry got off-tracked let’s get
jenna liang
Apr 112 min read
Notice of Termination: Your Chariot-Lyft Account has been Deactivated
Dear Caecilius Swiftus Maximus, This letter constitutes as notification of your Chariot-Lyft driver termination effective as of Marcus Tullius Cicero’s consulship. Attached below is a reminder of the Chariot-Lyft Driver Independent Contractor Agreement: Welcome to the Future of Imperial Transport! By checking the box (or marking this tablet with an ‘X’), you agree to the following legally binding edicts. Failure to comply will result in account deactivation, public shaming, o
jenna liang
Apr 42 min read
Lao Tzu Takes on The Common App
PERSONAL INFORMATION Full Legal Name: The name that can be named is not the eternal Name Permanent Address: Everywhere and anywhere Email Address: None EDUCATION & TEST SCORES High School GPA: -- Applicant Note: He devotes all his energy but has no intention to hold on to the merit. When success is achieved, he seeks no recognition. I have removed myself from the curriculum. SAT/ACT Scores: 400 Applicant Note: The world is a divine vessel, It cannot be acted upon as one w
jenna liang
Mar 282 min read
The Odyssey (feat. my lost Temu package)
PART I: Invocation of the Tracking Number Sing to me, O Muse, of my package, of my beautiful baby bubble-wrapped wanderer/traveler/nomad. Driven off the workshops of Guangzhou and shipped to the salted sorting centers of the West. Tell of the man—the Consumer, a.k.a me—waiting solemnly by her windows, heart heavy for her soon-to-be $2.99 ergonomic matcha whisk. Many the sorting hubs it saw, and many the underpaid handlers too. For though the Consumer prayed to the gods and s
jenna liang
Mar 252 min read
Veni, Vidi, Vented
Dear Readers, It is I, Julius Caesar, who must “vent” to you all today. Yes, I am aware that “venting” is not a proper Roman verb. But times change, and so do men — especially men who have been ghosted, unfollowed, and publicly humiliated on what the youths call “Instagram . ” Consider this my Commentarii de Bello Amore: a commentary on the wars of love. It has come to my attention that Cleopatra VII Thea Philopator, Queen of Egypt, mother of my son, and my former ally in bot
jenna liang
Oct 19, 20253 min read
Diogenes of Sinope Visits Erewhon
★☆☆☆☆ Would I return? Only if I was cast out by every tavern, bakery, and sewer in the city. With great skepticism, I entered this...
jenna liang
Oct 1, 20253 min read
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